Motivation

Well its thursday and im so glad Simerly is back home.It was quiet when she was gone.Too quiet.I love our relationship and its fun being around her.It makes my life much more full and worth living.On another note im having such a hard time getting motivated.I have more items i need to photograph and list in my ebay store but its just seeming like such a task to even get up and head in that direction.My phone and the apps on it have become a hardcore addiction.I cant pull myself away from it sometimes it seems for hours.Ive got to get past this and get back to channeling my energy into my work and music.I will,i will,i will do whats needed to keep my commitments rolling forward.More silliness with my phone foto apps,

Exorcise the Wish

Creepy Things and Wishing I Was Posessed

As i continue to slowly drift away again into an oblivious and unwanting existence i pause to wonder if my mind will ever be enough stable to exorcise the demon that plagues my entrance to a normal way of  sinning.I cry out to you o lord why is this thing not running?Why am i never under a pane of dripping obsession into grand dissillusions of being a normal member transparent in society?FUCK ME!!!I cant even hardly endure the pain of losing my keys let alone the passing of ones own love for disrespected gutter dwelling living.Its not enough.It will never be enough,Did you think you could erase that from their shallow christian scab picking minds?HA BULLSHIT,fucking maggots would pay dearly just to suck the marrow from your right to freedom into well unmannered living.IS IT LIVING?Who THe FUcK aRe YOU???WHO?I wish i didnt have this disease.WHich one you ask??Well fuck,i forgot to bring my list.Lets start with the one that makes me steal from a dying ladies rotting corpse bedside to try and reach the state of being that most people pay good doctors to try and recover from.GOOD DOCTORS!!??"Hey Doc can up you that to 10,000 mg 100 times a day?"...."This Bug just wont go away."The doctor replies"That bug is in the mirror of repetition transferrring to anyone the plight of one junkie mans decay?"....."You would be better to snatch a purse,burn a church and slowly slice your flesh and after kneel down and PRAY!" FUCK YOU DOC!I was healthier before the diagnosis of a retarded reject solely bent on collecting unwaranted funds in the first place of social decay.But God damn i just cant look away.4 more pills,plop plop down the hatch.Wake the Priest before my buzz kicks in and then i will have nothing to try and say.  Stand together now and lets all sing..."Oh bury me not,On the lone prairie.Oh bury me not........................." Isnt that special? AGGGHH I WISH I COULD STICK a buTTER knIfe in YoUR FUCKING JugUlAR vein the DRy Out YoUR saGgING corPse And Let FerrIts Eat YouR rOTTing fLeSH Away. "Can NOT." the little black child has drifted away.But what oh what can you fuckers eVeN SaYY??Do unto OthjErs as You wOuld do unto yoUrsElf you SelFiSh fUck,Dont you fucking look at me.DONT......YOOOUUUUU FUckinng Look AT ME<ME<ME.!!!

Dont you narrow minded fucking pencil pushing ass munching faggot losers Look AT ME!!!!  " you cunt."

Stealing Away Hours of My Life

I just cant seem to get myself together sometimes.Doing things on a schedule is hard for me.My medications,getting things taken care of for what little work i do have.I mean sometimes i feel retarded in a way,Im disabled it seems in the sense of being able to hold myself together well enough to exist in this soceity without just completely losing all sense of direction.I have recently been put on a psych medicine that i feel makes me lose track of time in a roundabout way.On the flip side im much more productive.

Life has been being lived.What i know i must realize for today is that regardless of how many mistakes i make or whether im doing it your way, their way,MY WAY(Hahahaha.....might as well play "My War" by Black Flag) i am getting grounded by God.God is in control and HAS ALWAYS HAD MY BACK!So have many others that i am forever grateful too.One man in Particular BS.......You are my brother.I need a friend.Will you just be my friend for now! I could use some advice.I am very fragile and i plan to..................................................!

GOD!